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The Secret Love Child of Marilyn Monroe and JFK

Keepin' It Crunk

9/26/06 08:40 pm

I feel like my semester so far has consisted of me sitting in the back of Black Mamba's trunk and getting each limb severed off, one at a time. The only way I can spare any of them is to figure everything out. That's impossible, though. So I lost both arms and legs, and I'm sitting (which is all I can really do) in the hospital draped in a white crunchy gown, and Bill has just brushed my hair back as I stared at the ground. He says, "How do you feel?" Then I don't move my head, just my eyes and I give him this glare, my eyes saying, "How the fuck do you think I feel?" Then he starts answering for me, "Angry?" I nod. "Scared?" I nod. "Hopeless?" I nod. He leaves the room and I feel like nothing has happened- he was supposed to make me feel better and he failed. The next day I get a call saying that a test I got was abnormal and I must see a doctor immediately. On top of having my limbs cut off, I thought I was going to die of cancer and it had me scared for a week. Then I went into the doctor's office today. They shined a light on me and rubbed me with vinegar so the light could catch the infection better. The doctor told me I had a virus and she took a chunk of my skin out with a tool that looked like some industrial staple gun. I saw her put the pin-sized piece of flesh in a tray and her assistant covered it quickly with a lid as if she just caught a fluttery butterfly. She said to me, "I'm going to put this mustardy paste on the wound and it will leave your body looking like coffee grounds, so be prepared for that. I'll let you know what type of the virus you have in the next 10 days."


So... I'm waiting.

9/24/06 06:43 pm

I would race you anytime,and steal the daylight from your eyes. Somehow you never knew that things change and so do you. Still I would race you anytime. Fool around, trick your eye. Some dreams still hunt you down, and you thought we just fooled around. There were pictures from the past, and there were memories that did not last. Don't you ever do that again. Don't call if you need a friend.

8/16/06 07:42 pm

I almost got hit and killed by a car today on my way to work. Since I now feel so insignificant, I'll pretend that I'm a ghost for the rest of my life. Haha.

7/3/06 01:52 am

Sometimes I wish my head was made of soft clay so I could change how it looked. So I could change a lot of things about me.

6/26/06 03:17 am

I like to organize things into colors. But when the colors fade or become putrid it can be very difficult.

4/6/06 10:39 pm

There's so much more to the world than sitting in a classroom and pretending you care. Last night at Epic the infamous frog tranny was sitting at a small circular table by the window. Cameron and I needed an extra chair for our table. We asked him if anyone was using his extra chair, then he gestured over at it with his eyes. On top of the chair was a totem pole of two very content stuffed animal frogs. One of the frogs was part of his frog backpack and the second one looked like he had chopped off the head from a stuffed toy and pinned it to his backpack to join the other frog. Cameron and I just stood there staring at it. It was faced directly at this tranny as if it was a guest at a tea party. Frog Tranny sternly moved the totem pole from off the chair and allowed us to take the seat. I've never held back a laugh for so long. Then we went to say goodbye to Jake. His friend was cute and very engaging. I want to date a writer. Or maybe I just want to be one. I can't stop thinking about plastic surgery. If I don't get it within the next two years then I don't know what I'd do. I'm a sad sad person. I deleted my myspace again and I don't think I'll want it back for a long time. Its like a huge fucking mirror. You can't help but look...its always you you you you you you you you. I don't like myself enough to want to keep a profile, and I don't like other people enough to want to read theirs. Cameron thinks I'm ridiculous but I think he's even more ridiculous for having one and being on it so often. BBC Heaven.

4/4/06 03:08 pm

God this is stupid. I don't want to write about this. But I lost "it" on Sunday. On my way to his house my car was making these noises- like bells. I thought a bolt was going to pop off my tire and I was going to flip over like a pancake and crash into a ditch full of dry light brown shrubs. Then I realized how fucking awesome it would be to die on my way to losing my virginity. That premise alone would be a box office hit. Then I thought that it wouldn't be so cool afterall because my parents would find out and that's what they would remember me by. And I was wearing no underwear under my skirt upon request. So that would be a dead giveaway. So anyway, obviously I'm not dead so everything was all right. I draw these pictures in my fine arts business class and this fat balding guy who sits next to me always looks at them and laughs. He has a huge scab on his head from falling off the dorm room bed in attempt to throw away his Skittles wrapper. Today he wrote something on a piece of paper and slid it over to me. He asked me out on a date. I knew this was going to happen. Like the popular girl in every 80s movie, I wrote back and said "No, I can't....sorry!" Then he read it with his head down, slid it back into his trapper keeper and kept his head bowed for the rest of the class. I'm sorry. Have you ever noticed how Ramen noodle soup always sounds better than it actually is? I always crave it but once I make it its fucking disgusting. Metaphor. This is probably one of the worst entries I've ever written.

3/20/06 02:52 pm

Never trust an obese diabetic that gives you trail mix. This happened. The trail mix consisted of huge globs of raisins dipped in white chocolate and chocolate chips. Maybe there was some dried fruit in there, and if there was, they were definitely the Jews in this edible Holocaust. She told me she eats this shit all the time cause its "healthy". No wonder why she leaves wet farts on the front desk chair. As I was nibbling the sweet sweet chocolate she was telling me about how she has been in the Girl Scouts for 50 years. "Well what do you do now?" I asked. She said, "I work with Daisies. I'm the one that builds the bridge from Daisy to Brownie. Its very serious stuff, Carly." Then she stared at my tits for 12 seconds. She's definitely a closet dyke. She works with the five year old Daisies because they don't have any protruding genitalia to stare at. Its a safe job.

3/7/06 05:22 pm

When I was little I used to chew up saltine crackers and spit them out. Then I would flatten them with my palms and make pancakes for my Barbie dolls.

3/3/06 05:45 pm

I hope my mom gets eaten by a large gray mouse.
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